Saturday 22 August 2015

That Time Of The Month!

When he came home from work that night, she was seated at the dining table. In her front, lay a bowl with 4 scoops of icecream in it.

HE: When I said I was going to be late, I only meant by a couple of hours, not days you know :-)

He expected an acknowledgement of his comic timing, and some playful banter. ‘You are simply too good, I love your sense of humour jaan,’ and a hug.

SHE: You think that’s funny? I almost forgot, you are a very funny man, aren’t you?

HE: (taken aback) No sweetheart, I was just kidding. Are you angry; oops, hungry?

SHE: Hungry! Why would I be! Its 10 pm. After a tiring day , an exhausting two hour traffic jam, being welcomed to an empty house with no food, I could barely control my joy.

HE: Listen…

SHE: I was feeling low in the morning, and I had an important presentation, so I asked you, mind you, ASKED you, if you could stock up on food and groceries for this week. And you tightened your collar, if I remember correctly, and said  something like, ‘Your knight in shining armour to your rescue.’

HE: Listen…

SHE: You were supposed to go a bit late today, the shop is right next door and it was to shut before I arrive! That is why I made the foolish mistake of giving you a responsibility!

HE: You know, funny thing. I stepped out 15 miuntes after you left. The plan was to pick up stuff, drop it at home, and head to office. And I got this call from Rahul. He told me this amazing story, and instead of heading to the shop, I sat in the car and drove away. Hehe.

SHE: Which amazing story was this?

HE: Comeon now, babe. It’s weekend. ♬ Let it go, let it go . Okay, chill. I mean you enjoy the icecream, I’ll quickly freshen up. And we’ll order in some nice food. No, your favourite food. And watch a chillax movie.

He escaped to the bathroom before she could say anything more. And when he was back, the air in the room felt different, good.

SHE: You know that new Mountain Man movie which is gonna release soon?

HE: Yep, the trailer’s been circulating on FB.

SHE: Did you learn anything from it?

HE: I sure did! I’m never taking you anywhere where there are no pukka roads!

SHE: I knew it! You just don’t love me! Forget about building a road through a mountain, you won’t even dig a hole for me if needed!

HE: Now this is too much! I’m a much better husband than you give me credit for. I’m saying I won’t ever take you to a place where there’d be any problem of medical attention in the first place.  And you………

SHE: Oh! Is that what you meant? I’m so sorry Janu, sorry na please. I guess I’m just tired.

HE: It’s okay! It happens, it’s your time of the month, isn’t it? You just relax, …….

Even before he could complete his sentence,  a pillow came and hit his face out of nowhere.

SHE: You’ll behave anyway you want and if I react, it’s my time of the month! How insensitive is that!

HE: That’s not what I meant. Leave it. I think it’s been a heavy week for the both of us.

SHE: Yeah, you’re right. Maybe I overreacted too.

HE: That’s like my girl! Calm down. Come here, you.

He held her in his arms and tried to broach the topic in a sweet way once again.

HE: Just see how pretty you look when you smile! Don’t you think these mood swings, even if remotely, but could be related to your problem? And every problem has a solution, darling.

She tried to get out of his embrace, and he tightened the grip.

SHE: You have the nerve! Let go off me..let gooooo.

That shout made him jump back and fall in the chair behind. He narrowly escaped hitting himself on its sharp arms.

HE: (in a timid voice) Look, this is why I’ve been saying we should get different chairs.

He saw the look on her face and was completely terrified now.

HE: No, but you’re right. The colour and the design match with our wall in a way no other chairs could. I’m clueless, I don’t understand.

He went on blabbering.

HE: In fact I’m wrong, as always. And yes, I’m  also something else, what's that word? I’ve blanked out. Remembered, sorry sorry. Haha, yeah. I’m sorry. For nothing. No wait, I’m sorry for everything.

There was absolutely no change in her facial expression.

SHE: Really, you are sorry? Do you understand the meaning of sorry? Or is this again some kind of a joke? Am I expected to laugh, haha? What all is it that you expect from me, why don’t you just give me a list? Who am I to you, really? Your maid, your cleaner, your sweeper, your cook? Oh I almost forgot, your bed-companion!

The innocent ignorant helpless soul was struggling to find words, when the door bell rang. She looked at the clock, and something dawned upon her which seemed to have made her happy, all of a sudden.

SHE: Super! It must be Rhea from the 2nd floor! She met me in the elevator, and said she had picked up these lovely diamond earrings last weekend at an amazing discount. I asked her to come over for a coffee and get those along, so I could check them out.

She looked at him apologetically.

SHE: I didn’t know then, that we won’t be done with our dinner when she comes. I’ll do one thing. You stay put here, and order the food. I’ll be with her in the living room for a while. Won’t take long, promise. All good sweetheart. Peace? Okay.

And she was gone, just like that, while he still sat in the chair, stunned and jumbled. It was HIS first time. :-)

PS. Familiar?


Unknown said...

Hahaaa,outstanding. Looking forward to better times atleast for the next-gen, for us I don't have any hopes. When does this equation change?

Vishal Bheeroo said...

Though I was enjoying the conversation, it's a sad reality in many households where many husbands expects their wives to be super duper, present at different places to take care of everything.

Unknown said...

No generation can truly estimate what life would be truly like for the next one! We can just hope :-)

Unknown said...

Haha...yes true!