Live And Let Live - Jeeyo Aur Jeene Do!

Is that a very difficult feat to achieve? Apparently so, as would appear from the thousands and thousands of domestic violence cases, recorded not just in India but worldwide. There is no particular strata or class or caste of the society that this disease is restricted to. Yes I choose to call it a disease, a mental one obviously, cos only a psychological imbalance can lead to brutality towards other humans.

A Recent Story ….

After I came across a post on Facebook recently, I was compelled to write about this sorry state of affairs, which refuses to change even in this highly modern highly advanced highly futuristic world we live in today. When a modern educated woman of our generation, belonging to an affluent family, in the country which claims to be the biggest superpower in the world, can be at the receiving end, so can anybody. And the truth of the matter is, that there are such innumerable women (and children or at times men as well). It happens on an unbelievably wide scale, behind closed doors, away from the hawk eyes of the society.

Kudos to that woman for having spoken up and bringing shame to the culprits. You’ve set an example for many.

Why They Hang On ….

You know guys, the social media and super easy access to news and events happening in the most remote corner of the world does one thing for sure. It provides fodder for the ‘oh how silly’ ‘if it was me’ ‘don’t you know’ ‘why couldn’t she just’ side of our nature. So when you read something like this, the very first natural reaction is – “Oh why didn’t she just leave him before it went so downhill? I would’ve never stuck around!” “Main toh do rakhke deti!”

Chill. There are reasons.

(I choose to refer to the one suffering as Ms XYZ rather than the usual societal tag of ‘victim’)

Sometimes its Love :

Yep probably blind. But it makes Ms XYZ feel that the partner is simply doing actions out of overly sensitive emotions and possessiveness. And so it has a feel good factor attached to it. Pyaar andha ho toh aadmi behra langda sab ho jata hai!

Reality Check

If there really is love, no reason can be big enough to lead to destructive acts. So any early sign should be a wakeup call to take necessary action. In good time.

At Other Times its Shame:

Its difficult to fathom this. You’ve got to be in the person’s shoes really. One can very easily judge and say, “How crazy! Whys Ms XYZ scared? Its gotta be shameful only for the assaulter!” “Sharam toh us saale ko aani chahiye!” Yeah agreed. But only if the mind worked in such a plain vanilla fashion.

Reality Check

Move around with your head held high. Always. Irrespective of what led to it, you are not in the wrong. Open the closed doors, give the world a peek into your house. And demand justice.

Many a times its Money:

The financial dependence of Ms XYZ has on the assaulter, especially so in a family with kids can be a huge deterrent to take any corrective steps.

Reality Check

Never let any external factors determine your worth. Its never too late to get back on your own. If you survived the monster’s wrath, you are much stronger than you give yourself credit for. There are ways out and there could be more. Alimony. Rings a bell?

It Could Also be Fear, of Different Kinds:

Fear of something fatal, fear for the well-being of children and other immediate family. In some cases, where the partner has criminal tendencies, matters could be much worse and extremely delicate. And would hence require diplomatic and strategic solutions. Which would not come naturally to many a soft women.

Reality Check

Reach out. As in most other helpless situations. Confide in your trusted people. And if you have none, pick up the phone and call a helpline.

And Of course the Never Ending Hope:

The Umeed pe Duniya Kaayam Hai funda so does not apply here. If its recurring, especially so. But its not easy for the said person to see it. There is a dire need to trust instincts. And go for it.

Reality Check

At times you cannot see what others can. Not because you are dumb, simply cos you don’t look at it objectively. Its good to get a third person perspective.

To Do For The Ones Inflicting the Pain ….

Reasons vary and so do the circumstances. But who cares? Nobody has the right to physically assault another being. Period. If you are someone who only has these bouts of insanity and otherwise you mostly live like every other sane individual, then you need to straighten up your act. If it’s the liquor, quit it. If its anger, take help. Sudhar ja!

But this would be applicable to you only if you have some hint of humanity in you.

To Do For the Ones Around ….

In most cases, Ms XYZ aint gonna move around with a placard revealing what’s going on. But if you claim to be a good friend, or family, take the hint. And guide. Even if not asked.

To Do For Ms XYZ ….

Nip it in the bud. Its easier said than done. Agree. 100%. But if you keep reminding yourself that nobody is as responsible for your happiness as you yourself, most unachievable tasks shall seem doable. In the end, always remember, nothing is permanent. The dark gory night has to give way to a shiny morning. Uski band bajaa de!

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