5 Googlies Smart Kids Could Throw At You!

One of the big problems with our generation is that we are always trying to attain a stage where we can proclaim to ourselves and (more importantly) to the world that 'We have arrived'. Careers, relationships, zindagi is driven by this agenda. One such major 'upload to Facebook' moment is the overnight conversion of the modern day fudakta hua couple into responsible doting parents.

Being Tanmay!

Tanmay Bhat - an overly obese homosapien who has to be airlifted from one venue to another, a potato who has difficulty lifting his own bum from the seat, the modern day version of Gabbar who moms use to threaten their kids with – ‘So jaa puttar varna Tanmay tujhpe baith jaayega!’

Thats an introduction the AIB way. That’s how these standup comedians praise and Roast each other and every other human.

Albert Pinto Ko Gussa Kyon Aata Hai!

-          Some people are like clouds. When they disappear the day gets brighter.

-          I think stupid people were put on this planet to test our anger management skills.

-          Kuch log bubbles ki tarah hote hain, dekte hi fodne ka mann karta hai!

I’m sure this happens to many of you. Sometimes its them, sometimes our mood. Bottomline is Albert Pinto ko Gussa Aa hi Jaata hai!

I believed, wait why believed, I truly am quite a calm person unless someone rubs me the wrong way. Don’t get misled. I am not a Gandhian. I will not offer my other cheek if somebody hits me on one. But I do tend to control my emotions in a lot of provocative situations. Lately though I’ve started realising that the emotions are not just under our control in today’s overly modern, overly technological, overly connected, overly loud and over-the-top world. 

Haan re Haan Haan 50 50 – With An Award!

Today, no tomorrow, no day after. The mahurat just wouldn’t arrive. I kept telling myself that I’d pick up the laptop soon (the modern day equivalent of picking up the pen) but it just wasn’t happening. My 50^th post was just not meant to be, from what it looked like. Reasons. There were tons. Mood swings, bottlenecks, jams, blows, punches. Let me share a few.

Agar Tum Na Hote!

A world sans internet! Hard to imagine? All the more difficult to believe that we lived and survived without this indispensable monster two decades ago. To say that its taken over our lives would be an understatement.

Akele Hain toh Kya Gam Hai! – Go online

Khoon Chusne Bloody Monday Aaya – Go Online

Confusion hi Confusion hai Solution Kuch Pata Nahi – Go Online

Shaadi Ka Khayaal Dil Mein Aaya Hai – Go Online

Vaada Karle Sajna!

As he sat across the table, I looked into his eyes and said to him, “Yes, tum oxygen ho aur mein double hydrogen, aur hamaari chemistry paani ki tarah hai. So I thought I'd make your life easier, and answer the eternal question. Here’s the much coveted much debated much wanted list - ‘What Does a Woman Really Want!’ You’re welcome sweetheart!”

For the benefit of all MANkind, a list from WOMANkind, here it goes –

5 Gifts You Should Avoid Dude!

February being the month of love and all, the Internet is always loaded with lists of gifting options. But what about the put-off list. I couldn’t resist the temptation of ending February with a list which may appear like it’s a Tohfa Tohfa Tohfa list but its nothing more than a Dhoka Dhoka Dhoka list.

Lets face it, the girl who counts every calorie that goes into her body, is she really gonna gorge on the chocolates that you gift her? Flowers will perish and cards will get stacked in drawers. So if that gives you a brilliant idea Sirji of coming up with something that achieves the dual purpose of being a gift and a utility item, stop right there. Avoid these like you would avoid Tees Maar Khan or better still Ram Gopal Verma ke Sholay.

5 Myths About Stressbusters

♬ STRESS STRESS BABY..ting ding ding tiki ding ding ♬

• Honk honk honk, it’s got to be the end of time!
• Would it have killed them to have just one more hour in the day!
• Why’s the freaking pressure cooker not whistling!
• Will I find the Rs.251 smartphone in my child’s pocket one fine day!
• Am I just taking away water from my next gen!

From local to global, so many things playing on the mind, at the same time, with the same speed.

5 Guidelines For When Your Toddler Starts Preschool

If your toddler barely raises his hand to wave you goodbye when you drop him off, what is it that you should exactly feel? 'Ja Master A ja jee le apni zindagi' or ‘Tujhe Yaad Na Meri Aayee, Kisise Ab Kya Kehna’?

I was told that I should pat my back, for having bred an independent kid. 'Yeah' (read, what do you know!) I said, as I hid the tissues.

Faking It!

Those of you who jumped out of the bed and closed that  bedroom door, kindly get up once again to open it fellas. Nope this is not the faking of ‘that’ kind, and no there are no tips on doing or detecting it.

Fake tans? No. Fake fingernails? No. Fake eyelashes? Oh heavens, no. I’m talking of the Fakeness you and I encounter day in and day out. We either stand at the receiving end or we very blatantly do it ourselves.

10 Tips For Traveling With A Toddler

♬ One little, two little, three little dinosaurs ♬! No this ain’t a Jurassic Park promotion, it’s a popular song for babies. Yeah yeah, these are the kinda songs that keep springing up in my head, been more than two years now. There’s no room for Arijit Singh or Yoyo Honey Singh, or even the Ed Sheerans of the world.

Toddler On Board ….

As I sat at the airport, filling the immigration forms, I was humming this song even without realizing it. Using both hands in ways I never knew I could, and keeping an eye on one whole human while still writing on paper, these are some of the skills I discovered I had, after I entered the motherhood phase.

To My Dearly Beloved....

Okay, so that’s a deceiving title. I’ll explain. I’ve (my blog has) been given a Liebster Award. If you look up the meaning for ‘Liebster’, the answers that you shall get are - beloved, dearest, sweetheart. But this meaning has got nothing to do with my post, apologies.

Liebster Awards are given by bloggers to other brethren. You get it and pass on the torch to ten other bloggers.

The questionnaires that float around the blogosphere with the Liebster, remind me of slam books we used to fill up in schools. Ah, fun times. I thought I'd up the fun factor and make a twisted questionnaire. Hope I don’t get frowns and curses for this one, instead of the thankyou note I’m supposed to be receiving. (If you do throw a shoe my way, please ensure it’s a pair.)

Pamper With Pampers!

It’s funny how we call our babies little bundles of joy. Cos they aren’t as little as you naive souls might think. By naïve souls I mean that part of human race, which is miles away from motherhood, or even the preggy ladies for that matter.

Let me explain. My little bundle of joy made an arrival on the life scene two years ago. Boundless Joy - check. Over Excitement – check. Infinite Love – check. Overly Protective Attitude – check. Underlying Fear – check. Surprised with the last one? Until the D-day my friends, it’s all hunky dory. Getting indulged from all directions. Apart from the special care at home, strangers do their bit too. Seats being given up, ways being cleared, a helping hand being offered. We get spoilt and misled. And then, the moment of truth. Its nature’s way of telling you, sarcastically, ‘Abhi toh party shuru hui hai!’

Rewind, Edit & Play!

Have you ever given this a thought? What if you had this unbelievable super-power, the option of rewinding your life and editing one unwanted portion?

I see many female hands going up in unison. The demand being SRK. Yes SRK has changed the way romance is perceived and love is defined. And yes, ‘Dilwale’s’ snippets have refreshed memories. I’ve come across so many statuses lately, of females drooling over SRK and how he’s killed romance for them forever. Reason - nothing can come close to DDLJ and KKHH. Agreed. But it’s the Rahuls and the Rajs we all are in love with dearies. In real life, we need to check with Gauri Khan if it’s really worth it.

Date Night

As she sat on the sofa, sipping her green tea, she kept looking at the watch again and again. It didn’t seem to tick any faster. She was looking forward to tonight. It had been a long time since they’d spent a cosy evening together. His work tours had increased lately. This time around, he had looked into her eyes and promised some good memories after he got back. One of them was a movie date night today.

Calendar, Khana Do!

You float and float in a dream world, until all the helium is exhausted and you hit the ground with a loud thud….. Aaaaaaaa…… Congratulations to the newly wedded couple. That’s where it all begins ;-).

I had this absolutely over-the-top amusing notion that I would never cook in my life. And then? I got married!

That Time Of The Month!

When he came home from work that night, she was seated at the dining table. In her front, lay a bowl with 4 scoops of icecream in it.

HE: When I said I was going to be late, I only meant by a couple of hours, not days you know :-)

He expected an acknowledgement of his comic timing, and some playful banter. ‘You are simply too good, I love your sense of humour jaan,’ and a hug.

SHE: You think that’s funny? I almost forgot, you are a very funny man, aren’t you?

WhatsApping!

A whatsapp chat between Him and Her …….

She: Such a tiring day its been!

He: Hmm

The Hubby's Birthday.....

As he drove home that night, he wondered if she was indeed giving him a silent punishment for having mocked her on her 7 births' funda and her driving skills (Refer Till Death Do Us Part...A 7 Births' Contract). Scene two, dominating mother-in-law’s arrival. Scene three, mother-in-law on his bed, in his bedroom, apparently in need of some emotional flushing. Until the mother-in-law’s psychiatrist had spoken of it, his humble soul knew only flushing of one kind, the one that cleaned the toilet. Scene three had begun some 3 weeks back and didn’t seem to have a last dialogue. He wanted to shout out loud, ‘Cut!’

Till Death Do Us Part.. A 7 Births' Contract

"Fast," she said.

"I cannot possibly drive any faster. Anyway, do you remember the equation involving speed distance and time?" he asked.

"Ummmm.."

"Come on now. You got to know this one at least," he sincerely begged.

"Doesn't matter. Why do you have to keep quizzing me?! You're not my teacher for God's sake," she snapped. "You listen to me. This fast I was talking about.."