Faking It!

Those of you who jumped out of the bed and closed that  bedroom door, kindly get up once again to open it fellas. Nope this is not the faking of ‘that’ kind, and no there are no tips on doing or detecting it.

Fake tans? No. Fake fingernails? No. Fake eyelashes? Oh heavens, no. I’m talking of the Fakeness you and I encounter day in and day out. We either stand at the receiving end or we very blatantly do it ourselves.

“Who me, never!” Did I hear most of you say that? Well, ladies and gentlemen, wait till you read further on and then arrive at a verdict. The following is a list of instances (surely not an exhaustive one), where even the Maharathis and the Kaliyug ke Harishchandras, who very proudly proclaim that they are wary of fake people, give in, even without realising it!

♬ I like to fake it fake it, You like to fake it fake it

She likes to fake it fake it, He likes to? Of course yaar, fake it! ♬

‘Bai’ ki Gulaami ….

‘Maids’, ‘helpers’, ‘bais’ call them what you like. Sau baaton ki ek baat, we are the real gulaams. This one’s for the fakers from my gender. Why? Cos the opposite gender stay at an arm’s length, driven by awkwardness or fright (barring say a few Shiney Ahujas here and there). Well, men are not at fault really, cos if they don’t say the right thing, in the right tone, using the right words, they’d be in for a week of household trauma.

Coming to the point, we are more or less at the mercy of our so called helpers. And hence what ensues is no less than funny. So say, if we were to reveal our true feelings to a part-timer arriving late or a full-timer acting fussy, it would lead to a path of self-discovery. Discovering that we are well-equipped and capable of throwing abuses in multiple languages, to start with. But but, we adopt the diplomatic approach of hurling sugar coated questions and making gentle reminders for punctuality.

We fake it.

Caught You ….

You spot her from a distance, and hope that she hasn’t seen you yet. You take prompt action and change your route, there’s a sudden spring in your step, a hop and a skip, turn to the left, another left, one more, go, go, go, and there she is, right in front of you.

“Hi! What a pleasant surprise!” You greet her.

You fake it.

Fokat ka Attendance ….

“Do I have to go?” she says. (read, I do not want to go)

“Darling, its important. Please come,” he says.

“Okay, but don’t expect me to do heeheehaahaa with Mrs. ABC,” she warns.

“I’ll do the talking, you just smile,” he implores.

She does go, and does smile. Also gets coaxed in to talk a bit, in fact Mrs.ABC doesn’t even give her too much of a choice. Oh, the obligatory compulsions of marriage and social etiquettes.

Mind you, the pleading attitude of the husband is also as fake as can be, cos he knows a high-handed one is going to lead him nowhere.

She fakes it. And so does he.

The Bechara Boyfriend ….

The argument over who the real victims are, the modern-day evolved women or the crafty calculative men, is a never-ending one. Feminists would have their own rigid opinions, while misogynists would have their personal agendas. But you and I at the bottom of our hearts do know, that if nobody, at least the ‘desperate pursuer’ or the ‘hopeless boyfriend’ are easy preys.

Given a choice, the poor guy would actually voice his opinion, on the shirt that he was asked to wear, the salad that he was asked to eat, the sandwich that he was asked to share, the party that he was asked to attend, and the list goes on. But he pretends, and how!

He fakes it.

The Husband’s Dukh Bhari Dastaan ….

She: “How do I look?”

He: “Beautiful!”

Familiar lines? Every wife on this exploding planet of ours repeatedly asks the same question, after having put in lots of efforts to lead to that look, and every husband very dutifully sums it up.

Another one:

She: “You think she looks better than I do?”

He: “No way baby! You are the best. Not that I keenly looked at her anyway.”

The guy doesn’t really have a choice. Its like a recorded CD. Every time you play it, you know whats going to be the output.

He fakes it.

♬ Fake main aur fake tu, donon milein is tarah

Pura situation amusing ho gaya hai, woh toh hona hi tha! ♬

You thought I was going to give you some gyaan or do some blah blah about ‘How could you!’ or “Brutus, you too!”. Nah. Big deal people, happens to all of us. Happy Faking!